Distance in relationships can be challenging, and it can be an opportunity for couples to explore new methods of communication. In today’s world, we are more connected than ever - text, email, phone, video, snail mail, social media, etc. There are a million ways to connect, yet there is still no sub for having your person with you.
By the time my husband and I got married, we had spent more time in our relationship in different countries than in the same one. It was a time in our lives when we were both working overseas, and long-distance became our norm. I remember being able to talk to him almost every day (which he hated, but I felt like I needed), and it still not being good enough😬. It would leave us both feeling frustrated and questioning our connection, but we kept at it and made it through.
Below I share my top tips for tackling the distance:
Tip #1 - Remind each other of the bigger picture
Your relationship is much bigger than the distance or any of the conversations; remind each other of that. Sometimes when we are frustrated by things we can’t control, we pick fights about nothing to try to release that frustration. Learn to talk about and listen to each other’s feelings without fixing them.
Tip #2 - If you have expectations, talk about them.
We all have different needs and expectations when it comes to communication. For instance, if you like to connect multiple times per day and your partner is more of an every-other-day type, there will be some friction. It’s worth it for both of you to name your expectations around communication and find a compromise - before it becomes a fight.
Tip #3 - Instead of making a list of requirements, talk about what makes you feel connected.
Speaking of communication norms, focus on quality over quantity. Instead of creating a schedule or a minimum number of times, you must connect and talk about what makes you feel connected to each other. This could be anything from sharing memes to sending gifts, hearing each other’s voices, sending snail mail, or simply asking how they are feeling. You’d be amazed how many people don’t need to talk every day when they feel connected to their partner.
Tip #4 - Switch it up.
Asking how each other’s day was can get stale. Depending on how long you will be away from each other, have a list of prompts ready. You can include deep, meaningful questions like: Where do we go after we die? Or how do you define success? To lighthearted questions like What’s on your travel bucket list? Or what is your superhero name?
Tip #5 - Use this time to get to know yourself.
Healthy relationships are made up of individuals who have their own passions, hopes, dreams, and desires. You know, that thing that makes you, you. It’s like when you have seen your partner in their element, and you can’t help but get turned on by it (well, they feel the same way about you 😉).
Feel free to share this with anyone you know who is struggling with distance in their relationship.
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