Our busy days can bring up a lot - whether it’s noise levels, a lot of people in your space, family dynamics, credit card bills, unmet expectations or fond memories… Whatever comes your way, I wanted to pass on my favorite tools to staying present grounded and centered: introducing my Happy For The Holidays Guide.
1. Feeling overwhelmed? Here is my favorite grounding exercise - 5,4,3,2,1. In 60 seconds you are back in thinking clearly in the present moment.
Take 1 deep breath.
Name 5 things you can see in as much detail as you can (i.e. instead of a pen say, “the way the light is hitting the top of the blue and purple click pen.”
Close your eyes and name 4 things you can hear.
Name 3 things you can feel.
Name 2 things you can smell.
Name 1 thing you can taste.
Open your eyes and notice how you feel now.
2. Feeling guilty about self care? Here’s my favorite reframe:
“Taking this time for myself allows me to show up as the person I want to be.”
Take stock of what fills you up and what drains you. Act accordingly. It’s a give and take; an inhale and an exhale - too much of anything can be a curse.
3. Worried about being disappointed? Here’s how to share your expectations with priority, through the lens of love.
If you have something you are really looking forward to or dreading - say that. Your partner is not a mind reader.
Not everything can be a priority. Share the top 1 or 2 things that would make or break your holiday. Let the rest just be the rest.
Communicate through a lens of how much love you would feel if that happened. In other words, saying, “It makes me feel so loved when you (action- help me in the kitchen, play with the kids, hold my hand at zoo lights), because it makes me feel (real reason - cared for, supported and not feel alone, like I matter to you).
4. Got some feelings that need to come out? Here’s how to share feelings without it turning into fight:
Notice the sensation of the emotion in your body. For instance, if you are feeling sadness - do you notice the heaviness or a pit in your stomach? If you’re feeling angry - do you notice a heat all over your body? If you are feeling joy - do you notice an expansion across your chest or a feeling of warmth? This will move your attention from your mind to your body.
Speak the sensation, then the emotion out loud - without the story. Don’t stop at noticing them - say them out loud. This is incredibly helpful if you are someone who struggles to talk about how they are feeling. You say, “I am noticing a tightness in my chest - it feels like sadness…” That’s it. Let the emotion be witnessed without the story.
If doing this with a partner - make sure your expectations are clear- i.e. “I don’t need you to fix it. I just need you to see me right now.”
5. Feeling upset, and have something snappy to say to your partner, or other family member? Here’s my secret weapon to calm down in the moment.
Take 3 deep breaths before responding. Doing this allows time and space for the parts of your brain who handle threat response to cool and the parts that handle logic to get back in the driver's seat.
If you use any of these I’d love to hear about it! Comment below or send me a message and let me know how they worked.
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